"Numbers"

Numbers can control your mind if you let them, and sometimes, when you don't.

It was 23 years after my husband was murdered that I lost my mind. The number 23 had already become somewhat significant to me years before that, though. I first noticed it when Philip, my first husband, got killed. He had a twenty-dollar bill and three ones in his wallet, and that was all. No coins in his pocket, and he was 23 years old. I remember thinking, "How odd." Later, it came to mind that our first child was born on the 23rd day of January. Again, I thought, "That's strange." I was born on December 21st, he was born on December 2nd...how weird that it added up to 23...

Twenty-three years after Philip died, I lost my mind. Literally. A lot of things happened between '75, when Philip was killed, and '98, when I went nuts, but the primary focus in that first "episode" was Philip's murder. I had already come to the conclusion in '75 that he was murdered, I just couldn't figure out who and why. In '98, I started having dreams again. Again, because I had dream-like visions in the year leading up to his death, but not since then. Not until I lost it. That's when dead people started coming to me in the night to point the way to Philip's killers.

There were many episodes after that first one, in which I declared that I was the daughter of a God I had no belief in, but I don't think I lost as much control as I did that first time. During the others, I seem to have had some control over myself, whereas during that first time, there was no control on my part. No matter what the Spirit told me to do, I did it. Immediately. I know, "spirit", right? That's right, a Spirit talked to me, and through me. Much of what I said had nothing whatsoever to do with my thoughts. I was completely under the control of an unseen force which compelled me to go certain places, say and do certain things....and the results were hospitals and jail cells. But you know what? That' doesn't shame or embarrass me in the least, because I know what I saw, and heard, and felt, and nothing or no one will ever convince me otherwise, regardless of how many prescription drugs I take to "balance my chemicals."

That first experience led me to the Bible. After all, it was the most logical place to look, in my mind, to find out if there really might be a genuine "God" out there. I had no belief. I was raised in a Christian home, attended a Christian church, learned the Christian religion's beliefs. During the course of my studies, I discovered that, yes, there is "God", and God is made up of the Two who became One. I believe he only called himself Father in the beginning of his dealings with intelligent man. I don't include Adam here....he doesn't seem to have been very intelligent to me. Regardless of that, at some point, He made Himself known to the children He helped create. When we were created in their images, our men were expected to recognize the characteristics of a father in the way our Father behaved with His sons, and behave accordingly. That has somehow evolved to what we have today in the way of "fatherhood." AS we all know, it leaves much to be desired.

In my studies of the Bible, I discovered that we also have a Mother, whom our Father has not divorced. She, literally, dwells in the Earth, as it's Mother Spirit. Her ways are embodied in the planet itself, although I believe the preferred name is "Plant," as in a plant in a universal garden. Our Father and Mother are the Originals of literally everything you can name. Think of a craft. They were the First. Original gardeners, homemakers, builders, architects, artists, scientists, historians...you name it, They were the First of it all. They set this place in the stars, and They caused it to breathe, to live, to produce, nurture, and provide for a multitude of "children."

They set the planet, itself, on it's "axis" at a 23-degree right angle. Mother is Nature. Nature is God, personified.

There were many other examples in my life of the number 23 being of some particular significance, but none more than that Earth Herself is a 23. Sounds crazy, I know, but I'll be crazy. I'm still righteous, and I serve a true-blue, genuine Godhead, in the form of a Mother and Father who set the example for us to follow. Instead, we have this.